Bared Secrets
by NitzMalfoy
Summary: Jack reads Ianto's diary post Adam and is surprised to know how the Welshman feels about their relationship. Janto fluff, basically a glimpse into Jack's past, especially relating to John and Gray. Read and review please. Slash.


_I know it's wrong, I shouldn't be attracted to him, I have Lisa for me. She'll be fine very soon and then we'll be together. No, I really shouldn't think that way about Jack, he's my boss after all. But what can I do, every time he looks at me like that, with that real smile, that smile that he only gives me, I just can't help it, I forget everything, even Lisa, at that time. Great, my girlfriend's a half transformed cyberwoman and now I'm infatuated with a flirting machine who's supposed to be immortal (and surely is, records prove that). Goodness knows, I'm totally fucked up._

_Lisa's doing better these days, she talks more than earlier. Today, she asked me to call a Dr. Tanizaki, an expert in Robotics and Artificial Intelligence. She says he might be able to help her. And the man too thinks so, he almost jumped at the proposal of coming here to see Lisa. It's strange how earlier I was waiting for this time when Lisa would be fine again but as it grows closer, I'm afraid. What if something goes wrong? More importantly, every time I see Jack these days, I can't look into his eyes, I'm afraid he knows, I'm afraid he knows that I'm betraying him. I don't know why I'm thinking this way, it's Lisa I should be loyal to but then he gives one of those smiles, he doesn't even give to Gwen and it makes me feel so guilty. I just don't know what to do about this._

_Jack came again tonight, for the usual dinner. I don't know why he still bothers. He knows I'm not gunna hurt myself or anything and that I'm coming back to work after two weeks but he still comes around for the 'daily dinner'. Not that I would mind some company, he wants me to go out with other people but he knows I won't. Guess that's why I find him at my door every night at eight. Why does he have to be so fucking nice all the time? Why doesn't he yell t me, admonish me for betraying his trust? He hasn't said a bitter word ever since that day when the cyberwoman was killed. No, he won't say a thing! Instead, he'll act like my best buddy having dinner with me, watching a movie (we've already watched all my collection of Bond movies and now he gets a CD or two on rent each night) Why can't he be a little less understanding sometimes?_

_Okay, so today I propositioned Jack over a dead body. I mean, fine, we have been 'playing around' since quite long but over a dead bosy? That too one belonging to my former colleague? Jack must be rubbing off on me. Anyhow sex with Jack, as always was amazing, but I wonder if it's just that to him, just sex?_

_Jack left, yeah literally, he just fucking left! No word of warning or anything. Guess he was probably bored, with the team, with me. Or maybe he left because of our betrayal, I saw how hurt he was to see us, to see me, standing against him. I know the Rift's a sensitive thing but was it that bad that he couldn't bear working with us anymore? Who knows, that's just so Jack, no one has an idea of what it's about._

_It's been about a month since he left, it's the Lisa thing all over again, only worse. At least Lisa didn't leave without a warning; at least I had Jack with me then, Jack, who has now left. I miss you, Jack._

_More than two months, I doubt he's coming back at all now. All the time, I try to envision what it would be like if he did come back? What would happen to us, if there was any 'us'._

_Well, Jack came back. And so did one of his ex-es. A bastard, that Hart is. Forget that, Jack asked me out on a date, a real one like a date and a move. Holy shit, whatever happened to him! In fact, now I think about it, he said that while he was away, he was always thinking about this; about doing it properly. So if he was, then could it be that he didn't really wanna leave, maybe he had some obligations, some compulsions. Guess I'll ask him sometime later._

_We went on the date today. Well, it was ...good. Jack was being a perfect gentleman, didn't even once suggest going to bed together! But I'm still not sure, what are we? Owen's always up with his 'part-time shag' comments and Jack's still the same with the doe-eyes 'engaged' Gwen. Sometimes, I feel like going up to him and asking what exactly is this thing between us?_

_Tommy finally went home today, I asked Jack if he'd like to go back as well. That was when he said something that made me just grab him and kiss him. I was wondering if I should tell Rhi about him, after all she's my sister but then is Jack the kinda guy I would like to take home to meet my family?_

_Last night, me and Jack, it was perfect, just like the old times, bt something more, I know there was something more to it. Jack had nightmares, pretty awful ones, I'd say from the way he writhed. He brushed it off when I asked, but I hope that someday, some day, he will tell me._

_Gwen bloody Cooper! Doesn't she understand that she's engaged? Maybe she does but she doesn't realize how lucky she is to have a guy like Rhys. She spends all day staring at Jack and then in the end, she can't Retcon Rhys because she loves him, yes, bloody well she loves him. And Jack, he too gave in! Not that I'd say that I was supporting the 'Rhys should be Retconned' movement but it's just that this thing about Jack and Gwen, it makes me jealous. Really, it shouldn't, I mean Jack and I never talked about exclusivity, he's free to do what he wants but at least he can try and avoid shoving it under my nose. I wonder if the man's ever heard the word 'discretion'_

Jack wiped his eyes as he closed the diary. He knew he shouldn't have read it but all he'd wanted to know was if Ianto felt the same about him as Jack did about the Welshman, guess he got much more than that. He was feeling a bit guilty, but he was also glad that he read it, now he knew what Ianto thought. The Captain walked down to the basement and placed the diary on the sofa; it would be better if Ianto didn't suspect him at all. He planted a small kiss on the little journal before leaving.

Jack was back in his office when Ianto found him.

"Your coffee," he said as he placed the mug on the table while Jack looked into some reports.

"Thanks Yan, you're an angel." Jack put down the file and kissed Ianto lightly. "You done with the surveillance?"

"Yeah, no footage from last 48 hours, though if we _wanted_ to forget the last two days, I doubt there would have been any."

"You understand that it would have been necessary, right? To forget it, else I'd never have allowed it."

"Of course I know that, but tell me honestly, you really don't remember anything or – "

"No, I don't. I had recon too. See, there are certain species that feed on memories or that can plant false memories into our minds, or something like that. We probably encountered such a creature, forgetting is the only solution in such cases."

Ianto nodded as Jack pu an arm around him. "Go home, rest for a while, I'll come there in a little while and arrange something for the dinner."

"No, I'll fix up something; it's been days since we've only been eating take out."

"Hey you're tired. Okay, I won't order anything, I'll cook for you, would that be fine?"

"You cook?" asked Ianto incredulously.

"Not usually, but I guess I can make an exception for my boyfriend," Jack said holding Ianto tighter as the Welshman blushed at the term 'boyfriend'.

The two naked men lay quietly on the bed, breathing heavily. Ianto smiled blissfully, any doubts he'd had were slowly being removed, as if Jack knew exactly what had been going on in the Welshman's mind. Tonight had been perfect; there was no other way to say it because tonight Jack had made love to Ianto; it was so different from anything else they'd ever done. Ianto was shaken from his reverie when Jack put an arm around the younger man and placed his head on the Welshman's chest.

"Yan?"

"Hmm?"

"I was thinking that you never.. I mean I never asked you about your family," Jack started cautiously, hoping that Ianto won't be offended.

"I don't really have much of a family, Jack, my mam died when I was around d 3 or 4 and my tad when I was 15. Now, I just have my older sister, Rhiannon. She's got a husband Johnny and two kids, Mica and David."

"Oh. You guys are close?"

"Not really but we're better than we were when we were kids," Ianto chuckled. "Tad always treated Rhi like a princess, and I, I was like the black sheep of the family, obviously I hated her then. Rhiannon, of course, had to please tad and she too treated me like shit, not that I blame her, I would have done the same in her position but it's just that we could never have a proper bonding. Soon after tad's death, I had to leave for the Uni, she was already studying in Glasgow. After that, she married Johnny and came here while I stayed in London. Finally, after Canary Wharf when I did come here, I didn't have much time to go meet her. Now a days I do go to hers once in a month or so. What about you? Your family – I mean, in the 51st century?" Ianto asked, cocking his head to the side.

"I... I lived in this colony called the Boeshane Peninsula; it is – will be – on a planet in a nearby solar system around 714 light years from here. There were four of us, mom, dad, me and my younger brother Gray... "

"Gray? The one Hart mentioned?"

"Yeah. It was 5032, we were under attack from these creatures; they were horrid, their howls reached us even before they themselves did. Dad told us to run away while he and mom stayed back to fight with the others; to buy time for those who were running with us. We ran far away, I lost sense of direction but thankfully, everyone was going the same way. We just ran along with the crowd. One moment, we were running and in the next moment I realized that Gray wasn't there with me anymore. I didn't even know when he had left my hand. I ran back, but all in vain. I never found him again." Ianto rubbed Jack's back soothingly as the older man sobbed silently. "When I got back, Mom was crying; she was sitting by dad's body. She asked me about Gray but I just stood there; what could I have said? She never forgave me; for all the time we lived together, I know she always held me responsible for Gray. He'd been the favourite son, you know. Just like you said about your sister, he was always the more loved one, the obedient responsible son while I... I never took things seriously, not even back then," he said, smiling wistfully. "So, when I came home alone, she thought I did it deliberately; that I purposefully let go of Gray. So, I vowed to find him. That's why I joined the Time Agency; I thought it might be able to help. After a year there, I was paired up with John; we got along from the moment we met. Within a few months, we were inseparable; the greatest of friends and the best team in the Agency. Somewhere during that time, I told him about Gray. Together, we tried so hard to find him; we travelled as far away as we could, both in Time and Space but we never found him. Really, he might have come across as a jerk to you, but he's actually a great friend."

"A great friend who tried to kill you?" asked Ianto bitterly, before he could stop himself.

"Not really his fault. It was all my fault, Yan. It was I who left him there, all alone, he has a right to be bitter about it. And John's never been the subtle type."

"You left him alone? Meaning?"

"It was around two years after we came back to base after the Time Loop we'd got caught in. That time in the Loop had been the first time we got involved romantically. It started with just sex at first; friends with benefits," Jack smirked and Ianto returned the favour; typical Jack relationship. "Then, being such good friends, we got closer. We continued after we returned; at least I think we did. I don't know for sure because the Time Agency stole my memories of that time; two years of my life gone away in a mist. I don't have an idea of what it could have been about and I couldn't ask anyone else; it would risk their life. He would have told me everything had I just asked him once but I couldn't. So, I left. It wasn't possible for me to stay there after losing my memories. I never told _him_ I was leaving, let alone where I was going but I know he knew; didn't even say a proper goodbye. I don't know what all might have happened there after I left. They would definitely have tried to pry out my whereabouts from him... God! I never thought of that! All that he must have faced..." Jack clutched Ianto tightly, letting his tears fall down.

"Shh.. it'll be okay Jack, it'll be okay."

_Yeah, everything will be alright. For Jack. For me. For us._

_Please review and let me know what you think. I'm planning a fic with John as the main character and taking Jack and John's past into account so I thought a basic background fic might be good. Also, I wanted to write something post-Adam. Concrit is highly appreciated.  
_


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